Unfulfilled Hot Wife Flirting Desire

I have this thing where I get excited to be hit on when my man is with me. Something about knowing that he gets to claim me! He doesn’t get it, but whatever. It’s like flirting while he’s looking is exciting! I can’t do anything like that because he gets so mad at any guy even talking to me.

(heterosexual female – experimented with women)

Anal Play Basics

Question: How do we start anal play? I want to make sure it doesn’t hurt and that we do it correctly.

The awkward hurdle of bringing up the topic of anal play has been cleared…now what? Aside from the mental uneasiness surrounding the idea of anal play, many fear the physical “uneasiness” as well. This is a legitimate concern and one that absolutely needs to be considered. The downside? It can be uncomfortable if not approached carefully. Upside? There are ways to make anal play extremely pleasurable. Let’s be honest…that’s the goal here, right?

The anus is naturally tight and does not lubricate in the same way a vagina does, for example. I know what you’re thinking…how can tight and dry ever work together? And you’re right – if left alone, those two adjectives do not lend themselves to pleasurable anal play.  However, with a few other “ingredients”, you have the makings of one HELL of a recipe! 

Anal play can be mind-blowing if done correctly. What’s “correctly”? Well, here are a few tips to help ensure a pleasurable experience and one which your partner just might be open (pun intended) to trying.

1)  WAIT: Yes, you read that correctly. Rushing right into anal play is not the best idea. Getting worked up and waiting for your inhibitions to fall away is when your mind and body will be more receptive to engaging in something that may be new or uncomfortable. Pay attention to your partner’s body movements. Are they tense and reserved or are they relaxed and inviting?

*Caveat* I’m a huge believer in trying things on yourself before trying with a partner. There are many anal “starter kits” that can help you adjust to the sensation and figure out how you like it, which can then be explained to your partner.

2) BABY STEPS: When you and your partner have been going at it for a while and you can tell they are totally into the moment, start by grabbing and/or rubbing their ass. That simple move will start to wake up that area on their body. Next, try licking your finger to lubricate it and slowly rub up and down the crack of their ass and over their anus. The anus has a high concentration of nerve endings, so rubbing gently over it is rarely protested. Again, you’re moving slowly to gauge their level of comfort each step of the way. If you get the green light, then it’s time for your next move. When in doubt, ASK! Consent. Is. Sexy.

3) OPTIONS: To take it to the next level, you have several options. Your next move will depend on your ultimate goal at the moment (oral-anal, genital-anal, toy-anal, digital (fingers)-anal, etc.). The “safest” bet is to start with one finger – the thinner the better.  Making sure it’s lubricated (saliva works and doesn’t interrupt the moment, but lube is preferred!) and start to focus on rubbing directly around the anus applying a small amount of pressure. Slowly (keyword here!) insert the tip of your finger inside. Their natural reaction will be to tense up – that’s ok. Leaving your finger in there as you continue to kiss will allow their body (and mind) to begin to relax around it. If you’re looking to add another finger or move to something larger, just ASK! It doesn’t have to be clinical or corny. It can be sexy! Like, “Are you ready for something bigger?” “Do you want more, baby?”

Too often, I feel people believe that asking for consent has to be this super professional and formal moment. Not true! You are technically asking for a level of consent to do something/continue to do something every time you ask your partner if something feels good!

4) TALK: Aside from paying attention and being in tune with your partner’s body language, check in with your partner. A simple, “Does that feel good?”, “Do you like that?” or “How’s this?” can not only add to the sexual atmosphere, but it allows your partner the chance to let you know how they’re feeling. Remember that anal play does not have to be painful and, if done right, can be immensely pleasurable. Take your time, check in with your partner, make sure to lubricate, and ENJOY!

Broaching the topic of anal

Question: How do I bring up the topic of anal play with my partner?

Introducing anal play into the bedroom requires sensitivity and tact. Best case scenario, you are 100% positive that your partner is down for it and, in that case, what the hell are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go play!

However, if you are one of the many who are in a relationship where the idea of anal play has not come up yet or it’s come up but you’re still unsure about your partner’s feelings on the topic, then listen up. 

Let’s take an all too common situation and break it down. You’re with your partner and it’s getting heavy. You’re both turned on and crawling out of your skin. Clothes are off, moans are loud and the smell of sex is surrounding you. In the midst of your animalistic lust, your senses are on overload. You’re enjoying touching each other’s “fun parts” and all of a sudden…WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Your partner decides that it was a good time to slowly slip the tip of their finger into your ass. No warning, no preparation, nothing. Your body tenses up, you laugh awkwardly, panic sets in and the mood is…well…gone. Nothing like ruining a porn style moment with an unexpected finger in the ass. This, my friends, can be avoided (and it really should be avoided…).

Here are some tips for communicating about anal play:

1) Bring it up OUTSIDE of the bedroom. If you’re in a relationship and comfortable enough to be sexually active, you’re probably comfortable talking about sexual topics. Even something as simple as asking if your partner has ever done anything anally (not just anal sex). If the answer is yes, they will most likely say how they felt about it. If they don’t volunteer the information right away, it would be totally natural to respond with, “Oh really? What did you think?”

If the answer is no, it would also be completely ok to follow up with a question like, “Oh really? Not your thing, huh?” Approaching the topic without judgmental statements or opinions is crucial here.  You can even use THIS BLOG as a conversation starter and feel out their reaction.

2) DO NOT attempt to try it and just, “see what happens”. Not only can this cause some serious awkwardness, but with a topic that is as sensitive (pun intended) as anal, it really is important to respect the fact that your partner may not be comfortable with it at all. Contrary to what you may see while watching porn, the stealth ass hole poke is not highly recommended.

3) Be careful with your response. Regardless of your partner’s answer, be conscious about how you respond. If you find that they are open to it, don’t automatically assume they are ready for it right then and there, or even that night. I know, I know…you’re excited and I just popped your bubble, but trust me – there are ways to initiate anal play that are more successful than others. Contrarily, if your partner is not interested in it, do not attempt to shame them into it or make them feel bad. “Different strokes for different folks” is spot on when it comes to sex, and getting your partner to do something by pressuring them with guilt is a surefire way to negatively affect your relationship (and then anal will be the LEAST of your worries). There are plenty of people who have started out being uncomfortable with it and, over time, the tides change. If the tides don’t change, you may just have to accept that and find other fun ways to enjoy each other.

Let’s review, shall we? The topic of anal play can be uncomfortable for many people for a variety of reasons. So, approach the conversation in a neutral environment, steer clear of the spontaneous finger jab and love on your partner regardless of where they sit (get it?) on the anal comfort continuum.

Threesomes

Question: How do I bring up threesomes with my partner?

Ahhh…the infamous threesome question. First and foremost, you are NOT ALONE whatsoever in your desire to have a threesome. This is one of the more common porn scene searches for both men AND women, and a fantasy that most have had at one point or another. Whenever you’re discussing fantasies with a partner, the most important piece is to go slow (don’t spring it on them the moment they walk in the door). Timing. Is. Everything.

One “rule” I try to stick with is not to have uncomfortable sex chats in the bedroom, or directly following a sexual session. We tend to be super vulnerable during and after, and we want to approach the topic at a neutral time (and even a neutral location!). If you’ve already watched porn together, try watching threesome porn together and see how your partner reacts. Maybe even ask them, “What are your thoughts on threesomes? Did you think that clip was sexy, or no?” Sometimes it’s easier to have a laid back conversation about the idea in general, versus flat out asking them for a threesome.

Their answer will determine whether or not to take the conversation to the next “phase”. If your partner says that they think it’s sexy, you can say something like, “Yeah, I think so, too. Would you ever do that in real life, or is it more of a fantasy thing?”

If you ever decide to have a threesome, there are a number of questions you want to ask yourself before making it happen. But that’s for another blog post…

FMF Threesome

To come home from work and see my wife making out with a woman before they eventually ask me to join in for a 3some. I know it’s not that crazy a sexual fantasy but it would be hot to me since I haven’t had a 3some…yet… 🙂

(heterosexual male)

Hot Gyno

I’m lying naked on the exam table getting a pelvic exam by a hot male gynecologist. He has a really gentle touch and smells really good. He has to examine my G-spot digitally. He has a female nurse in the room with us. While he is performing the exam with his fingers, the nurse has to talk me down so I don’t orgasm. But she is performing a breast exam on me at the same time. It’s taking a long time and it feels really good and I’m really turned on. She tells me that he needs more than just his fingers and he has to put his dick inside me. As soon as he does I come immediately and it’s the longest orgasm ever.

(heterosexual female)

Hotwife and Swinging

Obsessed with hotwife, wife sharing, swinging etc. Happily married for about 12 years and love when my wife talks about her sexual past in detail when we are having sex. We have had several group sex experiences where she has hooked up with another girl and we have a couple in which we have had several full swap experiences with that fuel our minds over and over. The memory of her being eaten out and fucked on those occasions just continues to do it for me. Her moaning while blowing me as another guy fucked her is about as good as it gets. Then to go home and reclaim her is super hot. I appreciate all you are doing with your site and business and love to see more stuff on swinging, hotwifing, etc. Thanks, Nina.

(heterosexual male)